New Greed for the Old Ceremony

It Was The Greed That Done Us
Originally published in the 2008 edition of The Firebrand


A Breeder Yarns In Brooklyn: The Firebrand's Exclusive Interiview with Jeff Tocci

Jeff Tocci (JT)--…I’m just going to try not to ramble.

Richard C. Root (RCR)—Breeder Ballads. What is a breeder?

JT—Well, a breeder is a light-hearted moniker given to the Adirondack Mountain Region folk of Upstate New York. Kind of a cold weather redneck of sorts. And I recently learned from a friend at the New York City Opera that homosexuals refer to straight people as Breeders. Which is interesting because the exhibiton is located in New York City’s gayest neighborhood, according to the recent census. I love the dual meaning.

RCR—I know them well.


The Great Undoing: America’s Nervous Breakdown

“May you live in interesting times.”
Chinese Curse


Of Masters and Beauties

Bonnie “Prince” Billy Live @ The Apollo

125th Street in Harlem has its own sort of magic. Of course, it is the location of the world famous Apollo Theater, site of some of the greatest moments in music history. But, the vibe goes beyond that and stretches outwards and onwards towards a type of mystical union of African and American realities. With the right kind of eyes the store-fronts and soul-food joints can be seen as from a different era and a different place other than Gotham. A dirty/pretty place full of vibrancy, music, and tears.


An Inside Job: The Firebrand Storms the Halls of Government

“When The Going Gets Weird, The Weird Turn Pro.”
- Hunter S. Thompson

The Firebrand stormed the New York State Capitol today and spread its dogmatic propaganda throughout the vast reaches of the internet. A stunned Governor David Paterson was left near tears and mumbled something that sounded to this reporter like “it was an inside job…must have been an inside job…Oh God, what can I do now?” The Governor was led away by his secret police who refused to answer for his odd behavior.

Senate Launches YouTube Testimony

History in the NYS Legislature! Today marks the first time advocates were able to provide testimony to a public budget hearing via YouTube.


Goodbye Forever (We Hope…)

“Always give your best, never get discouraged, never be petty; always remember, others may hate you, but those that hate you don’t win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself.”—Richard Nixon, farewell speech to staff, 1974

Richard Nixon uttered these words in a drunken, tear-stained stupor as he bid farewell to his White House staff shortly after his filthy corruption became too public to ignore and he was forced to resign the office of president. He left in a cloud of shame and lies forever to be known as “Tricky Dick,” the man who would have been king.


“Shoot First, Think Later (Or Never)” Cowboy W. Aims At Bringing His Version Of The Wild West To A National Park Near You.

In another rampantly stupid and downright reckless move, George W. Bush, otherwise known as the lamest lame duck president ever, has recently decided in his infinite ignorance to allow people to carry concealed weapons in National Parks. Dubya, often seen wearing a huge twenty gallon hat and a pair of toy silver revolvers, has rolled back a Department of Interior regulation that once banned loaded concealed weapons in parks. Dubya’s new regulation would allow licensed concealed weapon carriers to strap on their heat in any National Park near you. Hear that, Plaxico Burress?


American Suburbia: ‘Cancerous Cells of Unmentionable Ugliness’

“At first it’s beautiful to just watch that white line reel into Willie’s snout but when I start looking around out the window there’s just endless housing tracts and new blue factories everywhere—Sez Dave: ‘Yes, that’s right, the population explosion is gonna cover every bit of backyard dirt in America some day in fact they’ll even have to start piling up friggin levels of houses and others over that like your cityCityCITY till the houses reach a hundred miles in the air in all directions of the map and people looking at the earth from another planet with super-telescopes will see a prickly b

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